Overview:
There's a list of spoken (and unspoken) rules for using the restroom at school. Here you go.
Restroom etiquette at a public (or private) school. We don’t discuss the issue enough. But we should, as it directly affects every gainfully-employed educator. Regardless of what type of school you work at, or what your school’s restroom situation is, there is likely a bit of intra-staff strife about proper conduct in the communal loo. If we are to have a civilized society, the most-basic courtesies for the faculty water closet(s) are obvious….
–If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
–If you lift it up, put it down
–If you’re finished, flush it
–If it runs out, replace it
–If it smells, spray it
–No feces on the wall, or the stall
Any adult who’s capable of holding down a teaching job can easily adhere to the aforementioned practices. What about the unspoken expectations? Let’s do a deep dive into the gray area of washroom etiquette in the schoolhouse…
If you’re lucky enough to work for a school that offers its employees a single-user restroom, you surely appreciate the liberating level of privacy. But, with great privacy comes great responsibility. Single-users, utilized by a plurality of employees, should NOT be “Pooping Bathrooms.” Moving one’s bowels is best done at home. However, if you MUST conduct this odoriferous business on campus, only restrooms way off the building’s beaten path should be pressed into service, preferably at a time of day–early morning or late in the afternoon–when demand is at an absolute minimum.
If you arrive at a restroom in a school setting, and realize it’s occupied, please don’t stand RIGHT outside the door and wait for whomever is inside to emerge. Nobody–and I mean NOBODY–wants to exit the head and have to maneuver past a colleague when returning to his/her classroom. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. And, quite frankly, it’s invasive. If the restroom is occupied, take a lap, or lurk inconspicuously at a respectable distance. Is there a second (maybe a third) schoolhouse potty? If so, try that one. Bonus: walking to the alternate restroom is a great way to log extra steps for your Apple Watch tracker.
On this same note: if the knob is locked and the light is on, someone’s inside. No need to knock. No need to ask, “Is anyone there?” Someone’s obviously there. The door is locked. The light is on. Nobody–and I mean NOBODY–wants to have a conversion with you through a closed door while conducting their business.
To quote my inner-Mike Myers as Coffee Talk’s Richman, “I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: gender-neutral bathrooms in a school setting. Discuss.”
Okay, I’m feeling better…
Probably a good idea not to pilfer toiletries. Leave the airspray, extra rolls of TP, scented soaps, and beautification products in place. Don’t even think about snatching the cleaning supplies or scrub brushes. I cannot imagine anything more humiliating than getting called down to the principal’s office on this charge.
DO NOT flush foreign objects–paper towels, sanitizing wipes, homework assignments you don’t feel like grading–down the toilet’s drainpipe. There is nothing worse than an out-of-order powder room in a school, especially when such business must be conducted in the three (or four) minutes between bells.
The faculty restroom is not a social club. It’s not a cell phone/texting center. It’s also not a refuge from the kids. Have a whizz, or pinch a loaf, then be gone.
We are living in a post-Covid world, and you better be a post-Covid girl…or guy. Wash your hands. With soap. And dry them. With a towel or air dryer. Nobody wants to grab a wet knob when it’s their turn at the urinal.
Never underestimate the power of a well-timed courtesy flush. This simple act says to a fellow educator, “We’re in this together, friend.” It’s the ultimate Team Building Activity. Never forget…a successful workplace isn’t just about you. It’s about everyone!
The schoolhouse latrine should be a safe space for every faculty and/or staff member, even that oblivious bonehead who nukes fish sticks in the teachers’ lounge. If you follow the advice put forth here, I assure you the faculty restroom at your school will be a happy, harmonious one. There’s no need to be an animal when nature calls.
Brian Huba conducts his workplace “business” at a high school in Upstate New York, where he teaches 12th-Grade English. Brian has placed op-eds in the San Francisco Chronicle, the Chicago Tribune, South Florida Sun-Sentinel, the Democrat & Chronicle, New York’s Journal News, the Syracuse-Post Standard, the NY Daily News, the Times Union, and the Utica Observer-Dispatch. His essays have appeared in the Educator’s Room, Wilderness House Literary Review, bioStories, Men Matters Online Journal, VoegelinView, the Superstition Review, and the Satirist. His creative nonfiction has been published on 101 Words, in Reed Magazine, The Griffin, Down in the Dirt, Literary Juice, and The Storyteller.
The inability adults have for cleaning up after themselves and complain when their children do the same only proves you cannot fix stupid. I am always amazed at the complaining and lack of doing. Great article. I just pointed this out to everyone at a Burger King. An adult made a mess when he spilt his full soda at soda station and left the mess. I was next and announced to everyone in BK that he made and left the mess. Everyone looked at him. The elderly man behind me helped me clean up the mess. We got an applause and a thank you from the counter employees. Sometimes you have to embarass, humiliate, and call out someone’s behavior if you expect change. Oh the mess maker packed his meal up and left.